Couples explain what has kept them together for so many years
OCEAN CITY — Do you know why some couples stay married so much longer than others? It could be divine providence or shared values.
How about mutual attraction or mutual respect? Maybe it is having a good sense of humor or just knowing when to keep your mouth shut.
Sixteen loving couples with a combined 860 years of marriage renewed their vows en masse on Valentine’s Day at United Methodist Communities at The Shores in Ocean City.
A dozen of these couples have the good fortune to be together at the senior assisted living facility on Bay Avenue and four others routinely spend time with their spouses there.
For most of the couples, there was a wheelchair or walker involved. That makes it hard to say there was a big spring in everyone’s step for the ceremony performed by ordained minister Michele Ercolani. But what do you expect when you’re talking about marriages that are measured in four, five, six and even seven decades?
One thing was unmistakable — the twinkle in so many of their eyes and the smiles that magically appeared when they looked at each other. And those smiles were there before, during and after the ceremony.
After the vow renewal by Ercolani, who has a small wedding business appropriately named Marry Me, some of the couples shared their stories.
Take heed, nascent couples, and those flourishing in the early years of their marriage, which on this scale would be a paltry one, two or three decades.
Providence,
compatibility
Kathy and John Cogan, married for 45 years, met at work.
Asked what attracted her to John, Kathy said, “I think it was providential.”
“She was just so beautiful with a sparking personality,” John said. “One of her characteristics is she has always been kind to everyone she meets. That was a big hit with me. She’s a lot of fun, a lot of laughs, a good sense of humor. Really beautiful, of course.”
Why have they lasted?
“The compatibility that we have. We have shared values and we’re both tolerant of each other,” John said. “The mutual attraction has persisted. I think all of those things and many more.”
“I think John is wonderful,” Kathy said. “Nothing is ever a problem with John with anything we want to talk about. He’s always right there and eager to listen. It’s been a wonderful marriage.”
Determination
and honesty
Nancy and Jack Birkmeyer, married for 65 years, met when both were working on their master’s degrees at the University of Pennsylvania School of Social Work. They spent their careers as social workers.
She noticed his high school ring and realized they had both grown up in Baltimore.
“We graduated the same day from elementary, junior high, high school and college, all from different schools in Baltimore,” Jack said. “She went to the poorer schools. I went to the better schools,” he said, laughing and drawing a smile from Nancy.
Their secret to a long marriage?
“Determination,” Jack said, smiling.
“And honesty,” Nancy said. “We found so many ways that we were alike.”
A sense of humor
Gail and Henry Zona have been married for 61 years. The jokes were there from the beginning.
Henry had a service station and knew Gail’s family. She was in college.
He made a point of coming over to tease her.
“Oh, my golly, this fella,” Gail said. “He said, ‘With cars, do you know you have to change the air in the tires?’ I said, ‘Oh, really?’
“The first thing I remember about him was him joking. I didn’t know how to take him, but he was flirting with me,” she said.
“I’ll tell you how I met her,” Henry said. “I had the service station and she used to walk by. I was first attracted to her …” — let’s pause for a reporter’s note: this is where Gail laughed and suggested leaving the specifics out of the story. Henry couldn’t stop laughing at that. Let’s just say he liked how she looked in what she was wearing.
“Tell him about our first date,” Gail interjected.
“Our first date was up to the Camden area and we saw Connie Francis. I always liked Connie Francis and that was the door-opener,” he said.
“I pulled up in my father’s car to get gas and I see Henry running out of the office and coming up to me. He said, ‘Do you like Connie Francis?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘She’s at the Latin Casino and do you want to go with me?’
“I said yes and we dated from then on. It was a huge place. It was the place to go. Connie Francis was the special thing,” Gail said.
Although they started to date when she got out of school, her mother told her she had to get away on her own for a while.
“My mother said, ‘Gail, before you marry, you have to travel, single.’ So I took her word and went away for six weeks with some girlfriends. I came back, he was there, and that was it. I came back in August, we were married the following May of 1963.”
The secret to their long marriage? “Learning when to keep your mouth shut,” he said with a smile. “The humor has always been there. We try to keep it light. Everybody has their moments.”
Love and faith
Shirley and Larry Deming have been married for 69 years. They met in high school in Yonkers, N.Y., then he joined the Coast Guard and she worked as a bookkeeper.
They married in 1955 and moved to Ocean City after retirement.
They credit their love and faith for keeping them strong.
Shirley still cherishes a special ring Larry gave her, adorned with the birthstones of their children.
“If you can love today like you did when you got married, you’ll make it,” Shirley said.
Patience and
understanding
Roseanne and Al Amato have been married 56 years. They were renewing their vows at The Shores on their anniversary — Valentine’s Day.
Al asked her out every week for a year before she finally said yes. Their first date was a drive-in movie. They were inseparable after that.
“We were friends first,” Al said. “We were both going out with someone else. I even bought a ring for the other girl. Then we decided we liked each other better.”
The night before their wedding, he serenaded her with a live band.
Over the years they have traveled to 56 countries.
Their marriage, Al said, has lasted because of patience, understanding and still being best friends.
Knowing when
to keep quiet
Nola and Dan Gaynor have been married for 58 years.
Besides faith, he said of the secret to their long marriage, is contained in a little jingle (attributed to Ogden Nash): “To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”
“My dad drove him out to get the wedding license. He was forced to go,” Nola said, smiling. “I went willingly,” he pointed out.
Nola’s brother married the couple. An art teacher, Dan made their wedding rings out of the same piece of gold.
“We’re good buddies, really,” Nola said.
A date at
Tony Mart’s
Barbara and Ed Mikulski have been married for 61 years.
“I met her in Somers Point at Tony Mart’s. There was a jam session going on. I asked her to dance,” Ed said. He got her telephone number and told her he was from Burlington, N.J. “She thought I was from Burlington, Vermont,” he added, smiling.
They got together and went on a couple dates. Then they got married.
“Our secret for our years of marriage is I work 12-hour days,” Ed said. Their first child, a daughter, was born on Valentine’s Day. The three boys came after.
She wanted to name one of the sons after her husband. He didn’t like that idea.
“I kept saying I didn’t want any kids named Eddie after me because I didn’t want a junior,” he said. Then came the fourth pregnancy.
“In those days you couldn’t go into the labor room,” Ed said. While he was told he could finally go in to see his bride, he only cared about one thing.
“I said as long as everybody comes out healthy, I don’t care if she names him Eddie.”
She did.
“We’ve had a good life,” Ed said.
Good friends
At the Valentine’s Day lunch that followed the vow renewal, in a dining room decorated to make Cupid jealous and a menu to make chefs envious, were Sylvia Erb and Richard Shoemaker, widows enjoying each other’s company.
“We’re very good friends. We live across from each other. We’ve been very friendly for two years here,” Sylvia said. “He was married 75 years. I was married 68 years.
“We both lost our spouses, but we’re spending time together in the evening, which makes life wonderful. I’m very happy,” she said. “This place is special and we are both happy to be here.”
“Without her, life wouldn’t be nearly as well here,” Richard said. “This is a great place to be if you need to be in a place like this. It’s wonderful. To have a friend like that over there … ,” he added, finishing his sentence with a glance and smile at the woman across the table.
– STORY and PHOTOS by DAVID NAHAN/Sentinel staff
