Mikenzie Helphenstine remembered for her tenacity, making sure she was helping others
OCEAN CITY – For the passing of beloved teacher and coach Mikenzie Helphenstine, a woman with unbelievable grit who never gave up at anything, it is fitting how others viewed her life and her untimely death, at age 43, on Wednesday, May 4, 2022.
“She didn’t lose a battle with cancer,” Ocean City Primary School Principal Cathleen Smith said. “Heaven won her.”
Helphenstine fought cancer off and on for years before it claimed her life last week, but Smith said the 2021 primary school Teacher of the Year never accepted defeat.
“I hate that term, ‘You lose a battle with cancer,’” Smith said. “There was not one thing that Mikenzie lost. She won everything. Heaven won. There was something up there that had to have her.”
Helphenstine (formerly Custer), a 1997 graduate of Ocean City High School, where she was an outstanding athlete in field hockey and basketball, taught at the primary and intermediate schools in Ocean City and coached youth and high school sports for years. She was more than a teacher and a coach.
“No matter what was thrown at her, Mikenzie had the answers. When you ask what kind of person she is, what kind of teacher she is, that’s so hard to answer because she was whatever you needed,” Smith said. “If a kid needed a mom that day, she was a mom. When you get her on the field as a coach, she had the answers to win a state championship. If your car was broken down,” she laughed while holding back tears, “Mikenzie would know how to fix it.
“If you needed a friend, Mikenzie was there as your friend. Whatever you needed, Mikenzie just changed her hat. Mikenzie was everything. We didn’t just lose a teacher, we didn’t just lose a friend, we didn’t just lose a mom, we lost our everything,” Smith said.
She added that Helphenstine not only got a great response from her students, but also from the staff around her.
“She was impactful and inspiring. There is a term we all said that went with Mikenzie. It’s ‘grit.’ It’s having the urge to push through no matter what the obstacles were because it’s worth it.”
Not only was she a tenacious competitor on the field, whether as an athlete in high school or at Towson University, or coaching at Ocean City High School or Upper Township girls lacrosse, she was always looking out for everyone around her.
“No matter what was placed in front of her, she just always, always made sure the kids had the best, the staff had the best, and she would always dig deep into whatever was going on,” Smith said. During the pandemic, when the principal was running the school and doing her best to support the staff and students, Helphenstine was the one reaching out to Smith.
“She’s calling me no matter what hour of the night, saying, ‘Cath, I got this. We’re going to figure out the technology piece to teach virtually.’ She would figure out the pieces and be like, ‘No problem. We got this.’ She was always that piece of positivity. She would always figure things out.”
Even though she was battling cancer, she kept her focus outward on helping others. She would stop in Smith’s office and say, “What do you need today?” When the principal responded that she was supposed to be helping her, Helphenstine told her, “Nah. That’s just the way it is.”
For Mother’s Day a year ago, sisters Nicholl and Abbey Fenton, former standout athletes at OCHS, wrote a tribute to Helphenstine in the Ocean City Sentinel.
In their tribute, the girls, who both had been coached by Helphenstine in the Upper Township girls lacrosse program she started, noted her “ability to put other people before herself is unmatched.”
“There is no denying how much Mikenzie has given back to the community,” they wrote. “When thinking about all the mothers in your life you can think about today, she should be one to remember forever. We love you, Kenz! Thank you for everything you have done for us and Ocean City. You have taught us all that fighters never give up.”
Last fall, the field hockey program honored Helphenstine as more than 100 women and girls who played for her, with her and coached her, showed up on the field at Carey Stadium to surprise her.
OCHS Athletic Director Geoff Haines read the program’s tribute to “Coach H” who was an integral part of the field hockey program for decades: “We want to take a moment to recognize one of the strongest cancer fighters we know and love.”
The tribute noted how Helphenstine had been a player, a coach, booster club president, parent and fan. “She has always been a role model for every girl who wears the Red Raider (logo). Our program is built on simple foundations – teamwork, ethics and grit. Coach H embodies the pillars and exhibits them daily, whether having a good day or a bad day, Coach H always puts the team first.”
“Coach H has grit.”
At the tribute, Megan (Edwards) Rattray, a longtime teammate who played field hockey with her at OCHS and also at Towson University, told the Sentinel that Helphenstine has always been an inspiration to those around her.
“The only words I can think of when I think of Mikenzie on the field is a fighter and a leader” and that she was just as tenacious as a player as when she was a coach.
The Ocean City School District had its own announcement of Helphenstine’s passing last week.
“We mourn the loss of a dedicated, thoughtful, forward-thinking, and joyful educator, and for many of us, an irreplaceable team member and friend. We will follow up with parents and community members with details about how to pay respects to Mikenzie,” the district announced. “We wish all who knew Mikenzie peace and comfort, and our deepest condolences are extended to the Helphenstine family.”
Interim Superintendent of Schools Dr. Thomas Baruffi said, “Even in my short time with Ocean City, it has been evident to me the positive impact that Mikenzie has had in each building and on the fields. Thursday was a sad day for all of those who have worked with Mikenzie, and it was felt throughout the district.”
Current OCHS lacrosse coach Lesley Graham, who is coaching Helphenstine’s daughter Andi, said Mikenzie “is by far the strongest fighter that I think anybody who had the pleasure of getting to know her” understands. “She gave 110 percent to everything she did, whether it was coaching, teaching or fighting cancer.”
Graham said she was impressed witnessing that, only being “a small part of her journey these last three years. There are so many people in town and out of town who have been impacted by who she was and what she did. You can see that in the messages people have posted or sent to her family.”
Graham spoke about the “overwhelmingly positive impact that she had, specifically a lot on young women’s lives through sport development. She pushed them to be their best self in specific sports such as field hockey and lacrosse, but those lessons she was teaching went way beyond the field. Those kids, many who aren’t kids anymore, in college and beyond, carried those lessons with them to this day.”
“Her grit and determination to leave a place better than she found it is what she instilled in the athletes themselves and in the field hockey and lacrosse programs. All these things she had left her touch on. All of those things are better off because of her,” Graham said.
“Words are impossible with the incredible young woman Mikenzie was,” said Christine Lentz, a former teacher, coach, administrator and athletic director at OCHS.
“She will forever remain one of my most favorite people. She made everyone around her better,” Lentz said. “When I was a young coach you could always hear me yelling, ‘Just give the ball to Mikenzie!’”
“It seems that Mikenzie can get just about anything done. I admire her for a myriad of reasons,” Lentz continued. “She’s one of the most honest people I know. She always did what was right, not just what was easy. She spoke truth to power and always put her students, her athletes and her community first. She was a fierce and loyal friend and she loved her family profoundly.”
She related a story that epitomized Helphenstine’s nature. It happened during one of the last middle school field hockey games she coached this fall. It was Upper Township versus Ocean City. Two former athletes were coaching – Mikenzie and Tracy Lefever.
“After the game Mikenzie brought both teams to the center of the field, one team wearing green, one team wearing red. She talked to them about the game, about being opponents, about respect,” Lentz said. “She reminded them that although they were on different teams that day, next year they will be one. And she handed out red and white shirts to represent them all being on the same team next year. Mikenzie always looked for the greater good.”
“Through all my tears, the memory of my friend is a happy one,” said Kristie Fenton, Ocean City recreation supervisor. “I will be forever grateful for what Mikenzie has done for me and the kids that have gone through the Ocean City Recreation Department.
“More importantly, for helping to shape my daughters Nicholl and Abbey into the people they are today,” Fenton said, adding they are “following in your footsteps as educators and coaches because they want to make a difference in someone else’s life as you have made for them.
“I can’t wait to see the positive influence you have had on Andi and Kyle (Helphenstine’s children) and what the future holds for them,” Fenton said. For having you in our lives we’ve all been blessed. RIP, my friend, until we meet again.”
Memorial service, Scholarship Fund
Helphenstine leaves her husband Clint, their children, Andi and Kyle, her parents and other family members. (See obituary here). A celebration of her life will be at 11 a.m. Thursday, May 12, at St. Peter’s United Methodist Church, 501 E. Eighth St., Ocean City. She requested – since she helped plan her own funeral – that those who attend come casual in their red and white game attire.
In lieu of flowers and to honor her legacy, her family asks that any charitable donations be made to the “Mikenzie Helphenstine Memorial Scholarship Fund.”
The scholarship will be awarded annually to a graduating senior who embodies Coach H’s fighting spirit.
All checks should be made payable to the “Mikenzie Helphenstine Scholarship Fund” and mailed to Ocean City High School, 501 Atlantic Ave., Ocean City, NJ 08226.
By DAVID NAHAN/Sentinel staff