They say sex ed curriculum in district removed controversial aspects, will lead to safer students
OCEAN CITY — The script was flipped Sept. 21 at the Ocean City Board of Education meeting, as supporters of the revised state health and sex education standards dominated the public comment portion of the meeting.
Parents and students — both current and former — threw kudos to the board members who voted in favor, questioned the ethical stance of those who voted against and advocated for tolerance and acceptance of students who identify as LGBTQ+.
They also argued the curriculum the district’s professional educators devised blunts the controversial aspects of the standards and is absolutely appropriate for the community.
It was their turn after months in which other parents and community members used the board meetings to speak against the new Comprehensive Health and Physical Education standards.
In late August, before the new school year began, the board voted 6-5 to adopt the standards, drawing an angry response from those opposed, including three of the nine candidates for four seats in the November school board election.
The three held a rally Sept. 8 in Mark Soifer Park to support the candidates, blast the standards — which they asserted “indoctrinated,” “over-sexualized” and “groomed” children for sex traffickers — and to encourage Ocean City Council to adopt a resolution in support of a Parents Bill of Rights.
The group invited a speaker, the Rev. Gregory Quinlan, who offered a fiery homophobic speech condemning the standards and using Bible teachings to make fun of the LGBTQ+ community.
That rally — and rhetoric from the speaker — sparked a Change.org petition drive that garnered more than 4,500 signatures asking the school administration to make a statement that queer students are accepted, welcome and valued at Ocean City High School.
It also prompted a counter rally — a Welcome Walk hosted by a new group called We Belong Cape May County that supports the LGBTQ+ community — that started on the boardwalk Sept. 18 and circled OCHS.
It was with that background that the new group of speakers made their voices heard. (Five people, including the candidates who were at the rally, reiterated their opposition to the standards. For their views, see related stories online at ocnjsentinel.com.)
Stanford: Five board members abdicated duties
Christine Stanford of Upper Township, whose daughter is a senior at OCHS and whose son graduated from the school last year, said after attending an information session at the school on the curriculum, “it was crystal clear that there was nothing controversial or disruptive about the way the school district is implementing the standards. There are minor changes and updates so all students can feel supported. Representation matters. Inclusion matters. You swore to support all students. I urge you to uphold your oath.”
She thanked the six board members who supported the new curriculum based on the standard, which included board President Patrick Kane, Vice President Joe Clark, Bill Sooy, Dr. Charles Roche, Chris Halliday and Ryan Leonard.
“Thank you for trusting the administrators and amazing faculty that you hired to thoughtfully craft the curriculum,” she said. “The teachers in the Ocean City School District are truly top-notch and their experience and education should be respected.”
Speaking to the five members who voted against adopting the standards — Disston Vanderslice, Greg Whelan, Jacqueline McAlister, Cecelia Gallelli-Keyes and William Holmes — she said, “You are abdicating your duty.”
Stanford said they breached the state school board’s Code of Ethics by not supporting and upholding state laws and regulations and did not make judgments in terms of the educational welfare of all students.
“You have breached the public trust,” she said.
Stanford singled out McAlister and Gallelli-Keyes, who are part of the district’s equity team, for specific criticism.
“Your actions lie in complete opposition to the team you represent,” she said. “The equity team ensures equal opportunity, fair treatment and equal access to information resources. In voting no, you are not supporting all students.”
She noted only about 30 people attended the high school information session, a tiny number given there are more than 1,200 students at the school.
“I’m sorry there weren’t more people there to hear the truth instead of scare tactics and political talking points,” Stanford said. “It reminds that even though some voices may be loud, they are not representative of the greater community.”
She also directed criticism at the three candidates who organized the rally — Robin Shaffer, Liz Nicoletti and Catherine Panico — for not standing up and speaking out after the pastor’s homophobic comments.
“When a speaker comes to town, and you don’t necessarily agree with what they say, you can denounce that speaker,” Stanford said.
Dolinsky: My child faced harassment
Dawn Dolinsky said her child attempted to take her own life after experiencing harassment at school that went unaddressed and was downplayed by some staff members.
Describing herself as an OCHS graduate, parent and educator in the county for the past 24 years, Dolinsky noted a letter to the community by the board president and Superintendent of Schools Dr. Matthew Friedman “contained a promise to welcome and provide a top-notch education to every student.”
“As educators, we know if a student’s basic and safety needs are not met, they can’t learn. This promise you gave hinges on meeting those needs. This was not the experience last year for my child in Ocean City High School,” she said.
Last year her child, now a sophomore, “faced harassment that went unanswered. When it was reported, my child’s experiences were marginalized by members of the staff who didn’t take a stand against this harassment. It sends a clear message to a child that their experiences are not important, they are not valued and, even worse, the harassing behavior is tolerated and condoned.
“My child attempted to take her own life last year, largely based on how she was made to feel. It can’t continue,” Dolinsky said.
In turn, she praised members of the staff and administration “who have worked so hard to support my child and to change their experience going forward.
“Dr. (Wendy) O’Neal, Miss (Annemarie) Wagner-Fehn, Mr. (Angelo) DiBartolo and many of my child’s teachers have made a difference that allows my child to still be here today,” Dolinsky said, “but for them to have met with other members of the Ocean City staff who didn’t stand up, who allowed it to continue, it’s not acceptable.”
She told the board it is their responsibility to ensure every child can get an education free from harassment and discrimination and are entitled to a safe education no matter who they are.
“Ocean City High School failed my kid last year. I implore you, if you meant that promise (in the letter), changes have to occur, training has to occur, and that message starts with you,” Dolinsky said.
Student: Club would be safe haven for students
OCHS senior Nate Ginet said he is president and founder of the PRISM Club, which is dedicated to LGBTQ+ students at OCHS. He asked the board and administration to make the club official.
“In my time at the school, I’ve dealt with bullies, peers and adults looking down on me and other LGBTQ+ people just for being the way we are. Instead of accepting or growing over the years, it seems as though recently people are becoming more close-minded and less tolerant,” he said. “That is why it is more important than ever for the PRISM Club to become official in this school.”
When several students attempted to start a club in the past, he said they were told “there are no gay kids at this school.”
Ginet said he appreciated working with the new administration to fulfill the requirements to make the club official and that he appreciated its support. He pointed out other schools in Cape May and Atlantic counties have clubs dedicated to their LGBTQ+ students, listing CharterTech, Atlantic County Institute of Technology, Absegami, Cape May Tech, Egg Harbor Township, Lower Cape May Regional and Mainland Regional.
He said the mission statement is “The PRISM Club is dedicated to building a safe and inclusive space for the LGBTQ+ community and its allies at OCHS.”
Mansfield: Resign if you can’t uphold duties
Lisa Mansfield of Ocean City thanked the board members who “realized the importance of voting in favor” of the state standards and suggested those who voted against should consider resigning, echoing Stanford’s comments that they were not upholding their oaths of office.
“You cannot pick and choose, at will, based on your personal belief system, what you will or will not approve,” she said, because ethically decisions have to be made representing all the students and stakeholders.
She suggested much of the hubbub stems from the “prepackaged and controversial” curriculum available for purchase but would not be good for the district.
“I honestly feel much of the problems nationwide or statewide are because of some of those crazy curriculums that are out there that we’re not even considering using,” she said.
She also thanked the district for being transparent and putting all curricula online in the future. It will be helpful, especially to those who wish to opt their children out of certain discussion and topics, as they have that right as a parent.
Mansfield, too, took aim at McAlister and Gallelli-Keyes because of voting no on the standards despite their involvement with the equity committee.
As members “you had a seat at the table that devised a mission statement to ensure equal access, fair treatment and equal opportunity for all. The mission statement advocates for social justice, equity and dignity for all,” she said. “There are many elements of the comprehensive standards that relate or would assist in the goals of this committee.”
Voting against the standards, she said, “goes against the mission of the equity committee.”
She also criticized McAlister because she is “employed by the Department of Education as an instructional specialist, the very agency that supports and developed these comprehensive standards. She voted no. It appears her personal beliefs are conflicting with a mandate from her employer. In my opinion, you let these personal beliefs guide your vote. That is unethical and not acceptable.”
Mansfield told board members she realizes the standards “are a hot-button topic and being a board of education member is not for the faint of heart. But in your role you cannot allow your personal belief system, or how your friends or neighbors will react to your vote, to get in the way of the fact you represent all stakeholders and all students of Ocean City. You must tuck away your personal beliefs.”
She also criticized the three candidates because even though they didn’t make the inflammatory statements at their rally, “My question is, who invited Rev. Quinlan?”
Smith: Ignore resolution on Parents Bill of Rights
Jenna Smith of Upper Township, a 1998 OCHS graduate and “mother to four future Red Raiders,” said board members should be bound by their ethics and that the district should ignore Ocean City Council’s resolution supporting the Parents Bill of Rights.
She supports the new standards, saying “teams of teachers, counselors, mental health specialists, pediatricians, NJ CAT and law enforcement worked together to make a few minor changes in the standards so all New Jersey students feel safe, supported and included.”
Even though some board members may have personal issues with some of the topics in the standards, she reminded them “that in a public school any action that suggest the oppression or erasure of another child has no place here and would be a violation of the ethics you swore to uphold. You have a duty to all children, not just to those who make you comfortable.”
“Public schools are here to serve in the best interest of an entire community. There can be no such thing as a Parental Bill of Rights as schools don’t just belong to parents,” Smith said. “Schools are not your personal family babysitter. Suggesting otherwise is an insult to the hard-working, highly educated teachers and staff who work there.”
She also took aim at the Sept. 8 rally.
“The decision by a group of parents to bring a blatantly homophobic pastor, whose position is literally all over the internet, to make a hate speech in this quiet little town with our children watching, is evidence to just how damaging it can be to allow anyone to make decisions about public education,” she said. “Input from the entire community is a cornerstone of public education and American democracy.”
Ginet: No longer the time to stay quiet
Pam Ginet of Ocean City said she was embarrassed to admit she never spoke before a school board even though she had children in the district schools for about 20 years.
“All those years I have quietly watched and listened to what’s happening, but in recent times there has been an uprising of very vocal opponents of Ocean City schools,” she said. “It’s not the time to stay quiet any longer. Now more than ever it is important for those who support the board, the administration, teachers and all students to speak up.”
She attended the Parent Academy meeting Sept. 13 at the high school when Dr. Lauren Gunther explained “the handful of new standards, as well as the exact lesson plans for those standards. It was very clear the (standards) are being implemented in an appropriate way. None of the new lesson plans included any of the inflammatory propaganda that has been alleged.”
She thanked the administration, primarily Dr. Wendy O’Neal, “for working with my son and members of the PRISM Club for the past year to help them complete what was needed to start the new club at OCHS.”
“It is important for the LGBTQ community and their allies to have a safe place to come together as they might not have any support at home, from their families or their friends, and they need to find that at school.
“Unfortunately, over the years, students have been told by previous administrations that such a club is not needed,” Ginet said. “The openness, support and forward thinking of the new administration gives me hope and at the end of the day that’s all we want for our students, and everyone deserves to have their needs and concerns heard.”
Bowersock: Understands both sides, but wants acceptance of all students
Lauren Bowersock, a 2015 graduate of OCHS, believes what has caused the most controversy is an issue raised on the Sept. 8 rally flier that said the district should “replace gender identity indoctrination lessons.”
“I think that is maybe where the discord is,” she said, noting people can have different opinions about aspects of the sex education and in what grades they should be taught.
She said she was an active member of Christian groups and a leader of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) while at OCHS, and at the time believed homosexuality was a sin. She said she understands some of the concerns are faith-based.
“I really do understand the religious point of view,” Bowersock said.
Addressing another speaker who said there should be a faith-based group at the school if it allowed PRISM to become a club, she said there was no need because the FCA was allowed to meet in the rooms there, to pray at the flagpole at the school and pass out materials.
“I think there’s already a space for that for students,” she said.
Bowersock said her views have changed. She used to feel that teaching students about homosexuality would make them become homosexual or be confused about their sexuality, but no longer believes that.
“If you believe it’s a sin not to be heterosexual, then of course you don’t want your kids to be learning about it. You don’t want your child to be confused,” she said.
However, she said, “I’ve learned that that way of thinking can be really damaging to students who do identify as LGBTQ and I just think it increases the suicide rate, self-harm, eating disorders, of those people who do identify that way.
“For us to stand against standards and have rallies against things — like saying their way of being is wrong and it’s sinful” — is not right.
“Religion isn’t in the school so I am really happy the board voted yes on the standards and hope there can be more acceptance of LGBTQ students,” she said.
Mulford: Sex education important in schools; girl, 12, got pregnant
Shawna Mulford of Upper Township said she is saddened that the standards issue has been so divisive because “we all want the same thing — safety and prosperity for our children in the school community.” She believes her alma mater can provide both.
The daughter of a revered former teacher at OCHS and co-creator of the OCHS Alumni Association, Mulford related a story from early in her career as a school psychologist.
At that school, where sex education was neither prominent nor implemented properly, a 12-year-old got pregnant, something that might not have happened if she had been exposed to preventive contraception methods.
Some in the school responded to the pregnancy by trying to convince the girl to get an abortion.
“That child came to my office every day just ripped to shreds, as if the pregnancy wasn’t tumultuous enough,” she said.
Others on staff threw her a baby shower.
“You have both gamuts of support for this child. Looking back, it was a harrowing experience to watch her eighth-grade graduation, a certificate in one hand and pushing a stroller out the door,” she said.
“I can’t begin to express the importance of sex education in schools. Sexual education programs are inherently designed to protect our youth from serious health risks,” Mulford said.
With the climate youths face in today’s society, “these programs are more than necessary, they are life-altering.
“All students regardless of gender, sexual identity or race have the right to hear this information and schools have the fiduciary responsibility to educate our youth so long as the education does not establish a religious or political preference,” she said.
But lessons in school are not enough. “They will not make our kids safer. They will not prevent STDs from spreading, they will not prevent unwanted pregnancies, they will not even groom our kids for maladaptive directions that some people have touted. These programs alone don’t have that kind of power.”
Mulford said they have to be paired with open discussions at home, reinforcing whatever the family’s values are and “infused with acceptance and tolerance of other people’s choices. That’s how we as a community are going to be able to keep our kids safe, keep our kids informed.”
She suggested parents get a fact sheet that aligns with times when sensitive topics are being taught so parents “know what will be present in the minds of our students when they come home to that dinner table and we ask how their day is going and they’re shying away from some conversations.”
“We as a community can come together and really help and work to implement this curriculum not just here at the school, but at home,” she said.
Young alumna: We’re still
figuring things out
KT Muller wanted to share her experiences at OCHS with the board.
“I am friends with a lot of gay and transgender people and they have experienced a lot of in-person and online harassment. It has detrimentally impacted them in so many ways,” she said.
While faith is a “pretty essential” part of the community and she “grew up in the church,” OCHS is “a public high school and we have the right to have a separation of church and state.”
Both sides of the debate are angry, Muller said, with a lot of emotion and confusion.
“I would like to ask that we approach this with grace and understand there are students involved. These are 14- to 18-year-olds. I don’t know what I’m doing yet,” she said. “I’m 19 and I’m still trying to figure it all out.” She said adding on all the hate isn’t helpful.
Muller said parents have rights and her parents “mean the world to me, but I’m also a human being. I’m growing and learning and trying to figure everything out.
“If we don’t introduce kids to that diversity, they’re going to be a lot more scared,” she said.
Although a lot of people have made up their minds, she reminded them that real people are affected by this.
“We’re not militants or groomers … we’re not trying to force kids to be gay. We’re just trying to let you all know that we’re exploring because we’re kids. We’re curious,” she said. “This is what we do. I thought a student voice in this group of parents might be (helpful) because you guys are here for us.”
Roche: There’s more that
unites us than divides us
In board member comments after the public session, Roche — one of the six members who supported adopting the standards — said he appreciated the input, “particularly from the younger folks. I sincerely appreciate you all coming out and sharing your experience of these discussions.
“I think that sometimes we lose sight of the fact there are many more things that unite the people in this room than there are things that divide us,” he said. “If we can keep in mind that our children, our students, our young people, are now back in school with the best teachers … and the top-notch administration to support those teachers and those families and parents and students.
“I think we can all get pointed in the same direction and remember that at the end of the day, we all want for every student in our district and outside our district to feel safe, heard, seen and appreciated, regardless of their sexual identity or any other part of them that may be different than those around them,” Roche said. “I think it is very important that our students understand that.”
By DAVID NAHAN/Sentinel staff