He talks to students about building resilience in adverse situations, dealing with mental stress
Editor’s Note: A first-generation high school and college graduate, Nathan Evans Jr. is a best-selling author, youth mentor, educational consultant, mental health advocate and podcast host. He is a sponsored member of the T-Mobile Magenta Edge small business program and a volunteer at Covenant House Atlantic City.
OCEAN CITY – Parents, if you have a student at Ocean City High School, especially one who struggled through the pandemic, you might want to ask what they heard at school on Tuesday.
Inspirational speaker Nathan Evans Jr., who has roots in the area but has traveled the country with his message about building resilience in adverse circumstances, was invited to speak to the entire student body at OCHS.
Understanding that the mental health crisis among high school students is acute, Evans talked to students about not allowing their emotions to guide them, controlling automatic negative thoughts, inclusion as a student and focusing on the things they can control.
The 32-year-old, who grew up in Pleasantville and Atlantic City and has family members in Ocean City, said he relates to the students by telling stories, many about his own circumstances, and overcoming them.
Evans got into his work years ago when he was helping a friend at Rutgers University at an event about mental wellness and fitness. He shared his story as part of a collective presentation. Administrators and educators heard him and wanted Evans to speak to their students. He brought his message – “essentially for free” – to schools, higher education workshops, freshman seminars, housing workshops and other places.
Then he sought out mentors who showed him how to build on it. “That’s when it became a little more serious for me,” he said in an interview with the Sentinel Monday afternoon. He started to learn about the business aspect of speaking.
More than that, he realized what he was sharing “was impactful because of the response I was getting from students and administrators …. I realized it was a lot deeper than what I thought, that my words and my testimony were impacting and inspiring others.”
His mentors and coaches helped him learn the best way to tell his story.
“I firmly believe we learn everything by stories or are affected by stories, so I doubled down on the art of story-telling and I’ve been blessed to travel the country and live as a professional speaker and author,” Evans said.
His personal story
“I’m a local kid. I grew up in homes both in Atlantic City and Pleasantville. I bounced around and went to nine different schools from first grade to high school,” he said. “During that time I was exposed to a lot of gang violence and drugs, so I suffered from a lot of traumatic experiences which led me to having some mental health challenges, severe anxiety and depression.”
A major event for him was in 2008, “losing my Pop-pop to a gangrene infection and from there I started to spiral downhill,” he said. Evans got a full-ride scholarship to play basketball in college, but ended up forfeiting it by the end of his first semester as there were other traumatic events that happened to him and he wasn’t addressing his mental health issues and had suicidal ideation. He ended up going to five different colleges “because I was running from my internal issues instead of addressing them head on, which led to me bouncing around all around the country.”
“Looking back, I see what the plan was,” he said, but at the time he didn’t because he wasn’t dealing with his issues.
Fortunately he had some close friends who really cared for him, who took him in and began to show him other ways. One of his closest friends started taking him to the gym and introduced him to a few other guys “who allowed me to be vulnerable and transparent with what I had been going through. That was the first time I ever experienced that.
“Things made a turn for the better from there, I got back into school, graduated with my bachelor’s degree, and that led to the point where I started to share my experiences. For me, the topic of mental resilience, I’m so closely connected to it because I experienced it head-on so I’m able to navigate those conversations, to speak and share those experiences with others because I experienced it first-hand.
“This wasn’t a book. It wasn’t a movie or anything like that. This actually was my real life. These are practical truths on how I was able to overcome it.”
Two main messages he imparts to students
Evans shares two main points with students: Don’t allow emotions to guide them and focus on the things they can control.
He realized that when he was going from school to school, dealing with the pain and past experiences, he was letting emotions guide him.
Coming off the pandemic, he said, there are so many challenges facing students so he tells them to focus on what they can control, “which is our behavior, how we approach our school, our life, which is our character, how we view our situation. These are all things which are in our control. Focusing on what they can control is extremely important.”
These messages are where his story-telling comes into play.
He gives examples of where emotional decisions lead. He believes that can trigger thoughts to make a different decision when emotions are high.
He paints those pictures for students. One is about a close friend who is still in prison because of an emotional decision he made within two to three minutes that cost him years of his life. Evans offers scenarios in which decisions lead to bad outcomes, which he hopes prompt them to weigh decisions better.
“I know you’re frustrated now, but these emotions will subside. When these things arise, you don’t want to make a decision from this place because long-term, this could affect you in a negative way.” He also gives practical examples of better decision making and better outcomes.
He doesn’t want them to ignore their emotions, but to take control of them. “When anger comes up, how are you responding? When you’re frustrated, how are you responding? When you’re disappointed, how are you responding?”
About the other part of his message, “For me, I’m focusing on what you can control, it’s literally the day-to-day actions.” He gets very practical on this as well. He tells students to expect adversity and prepare their minds and hearts for it “so when it comes it doesn’t keep you down, that you don’t look at it in the worst way possible.”
He talks about controlling their own actions throughout the day. With teenagers, they often put the blame for everything on everyone else. “This person made me upset, this person did this, this person is why I’m here. I want them to take extreme ownership.”
He wants them to respond in a way that doesn’t hurt them or anyone else, “hence making it a very inclusive environment. That’s the aim and goal of taking control of what you actually can control.”
Evans also wants them to know “the vastness of what they can’t control.” Thinking they can control those things causes them anxiety. “I think releasing some of that expectation” can lessen that anxiety.
To get his message across, he said, “I start on a high point, but I want to take them on a roller-coaster. The object is to keep them engaged, of course. That’s always a challenge.” Evans also realizes that when speaking on stage, students can put him on a pedestal as they learn about his successes, such as the major companies he works with and some of the amazing things that happen to him. But, he says, “let me tell you the story behind it. I don’t want you to feel that I’m above you. I’m actually just like you and let me share why.
“They’re all going through their own private storms, their own private experiences,” he said. That is why he tries to humanize himself, showing the mistakes he has made and how he made it through them to help them grasp that it’s not just talking points.
Fulfillment for Evans
Evans, whose mother and two siblings now live in Ocean City, as do a niece and nephew, what he does goes beyond a profession and gaining material success.
He is getting fulfillment changing perspectives in young people’s lives. He knows that from the emails he receives, telling him how they are overcoming their issues. “It’s a beautiful thing to see,” he said, noting a young man approached him at Covenant House in Atlantic City and said Evans’ story saved his life.
The mental health crisis is severe for high school students, he said, and “I’m coming to combat those statistics.” He doesn’t take what he’s doing for granted and he hopes to get those young people talking.
“I show up and give my best whether it’s 10 people or 1,200 in a high school. Words are powerful.”
Learn more about Evans at his website, nateevansjr.com.
By DAVID NAHAN/Sentinel staff
